The Paradoxes of Engagement

       So, all of our teams are preparing for their first presentation. We all are striving to do our best, be interesting, be informative, and most of all be clever in our presentation of the paradoxes. My team has been assigned the task of talking about disclosure, trust, intimacy and regression...no small task in 40min. whew!

        As I am putting together materials for the presentation I have this aha moment....we as a team are going through the actual process of engagement via this exercise....we are disclosing what are strengths are, what we would be comfortable doing in the presentation...what our deficits are as well. We are also taking a huge leap into trust...trusting that we will all get our portion of the presentation done, trusting that we will all share the commitment to present thoroughly and well, trusting that we will not leave one another hanging if something goes wrong. We have had additional meeting times and conversations in prep that has allowed us to become more intimate and comfortable with one another...and a bit of aggression tossed in- we have all given up something or some idea to move forward for the good of the group.

       Now that I see all of these elements displayed in this activity I say to Dr. Carter, "Well Played

"USE YOUR WORDS" REFLECTIONS ON SPEAKING, AUTHORITY, DEPENDENCY & CREATIVITY...BLOG 6

So as I read the information related to speaking, Authority, Dependency and Creativity....the one I was most struck by was that of speaking. Funny as an educator I encourage my children to "use their words" all of the time. Now I am considering how this phrase has meaning and relevance for me in my professional life. How I am using my voice, how I am not using my voice...a myriad of thoughts are flooding my head. I am about to share with you a personal encounter that I recently had with one of the teachers that I supervise that fits perfectly into this topic of conversation...an encounter that awakened me even more to this idea of speaking...

        Many a group in existence today have members who are silent, so we are back to this reflective question of what is the meaning and relevance of the voice. Why would everyone not choose to use his or her voice? Perhaps it is the weight of influence that the voice carries in the presence of others. “Participation in groups present us with many questions of influence. How much do we want to influence the direction of the group? How much are we willing to be influenced?”(Smith & Berg p.131). When I think about the potential power that is embedded in the voice I realize how it critical it is that we “use our words” our words have the potential to guide, mislead, create, destruct, and influence. As I am thinking through this topic of speaking I realize that each day in my school we remind the children to “use your words” I didn’t realize how much relevance this carries in my own professional life.

        The topic of speaking is so timely for me at the moment. I have always prided myself on being more of a listener than a talker. As a manager I have always thought of this as a precious gift to others’ but now I wonder if this is a valid perspective. I recently had an experience with this in my professional life and the experience left me quite unsettled. One of teachers I supervise had fallen pretty quite with me during the course of our daily work together. I had noticed a change in how she communicated with me, she had grown silent. She no longer made strong eye contact, shared freely her ideas, or asked clarifying questions. Something had changed. Unfortunately, I made a choice not to use my voice. I did not ask what was wrong; I did not use my voice to engage her…. I simply waited and watched hoping she would soon reveal what was occurring for her. Awhile later and at the urging of her co-teacher I asked her to come to my office. I had her sit with me in my office preparing to hear perhaps a scenario that involved a family issue, or maybe a classroom issue. Before I began the conversation tears rolled down her cheeks. She dropped her head and began clearing her throat. I very gingerly asked her to share with me what was going on for her. She looked up at me and said, “You hurt me.” What? I was astonished. All of this time this issue with her was related to me? She went on to say that she had been told that I made a disparaging comment about her work performance and that it really hurt her. Defending myself I must say that this was a creation of another teacher’s making, but I was in total dismay that I held this type of influence and power over her. This was very uncomfortable.

             Now I have learned to view this experience with a different lens with support of the Smith & Berg text, “Ultimately, one of the ways influence is attempted and realized in groups is through speaking or not speaking to each other. Speaking or not speaking, being or not being, acting or not acting are all forms of influence…”(Smith & Berg p.132). I am struck by two revelations made during this reflective reading. First, that I had created an influence with this teacher that for me was not even realized and obviously carried a huge impact. Secondly, that even when I observed that things were not going well with this teacher I stayed silent. I did not use my voice. I regret this.

"Attitudes Reflect Leadership"

     

                                          Just As Hands Shape Clay, We Shape One Another.....


 I have had a couple days to digest and reflect on the materials that we read, watched and discussed on Monday night. The information was timely for me as I have been trying to apply a great deal of what I am learning to my work team.
      I had never watched the movie"Remember The Titans" but I saw it as an extremely powerful piece of media that directly related to materials that Levi introduces us to in Group Dynamics on the power of social influence. I think I was most struck in the reading this week by Levi's comment that "...There is a significant difference between compliance and acceptance"(Levi, pp. 130) This was clearly evident throughout scenes in the movie...the formation of the new football team, the new coaching team, the families involved, etc. I began pondering why social influence is so strong in society? Levi allows insight into my question by citing the work of Deutsch & Gerard...."normative influence is a change based on the desire to meet the expectations of others and to be accepted by others"(Deutsch & Gerard 1955).
       I find it intriguing that we can be so strongly guided by social influence that it can either stunt our human development or enrich our human development. Now that the difference between compliance and acceptance have been illuminated I wonder about all the steps in between. How does one move from mere compliance to accepting an a completely different belief system enough to reflect and change their own ways of thinking, living and doing?
      So I turn this notion over to my colleagues...how do you think one man can be so powerful that they can move a man from compliance to acceptance? Or do you belief that these perceived changes are authentic? Makes me say hmmm.